Oh No you're getting soft!

Five words that strike a cold wash of terror through even the most masculine of men’s psyche – and with good reason.

We men have been genetically conditioned to brave whatever onslaught is thrown at us. Ready to slay the beast, use pine cones as toilet paper if required, to boldly go without asking for directions and to be lost before admitting that we require any aid. Then we are born and it all goes to hell from there.

Women make the mistake of thinking that when male babies are born, they are crying from the shock of the birthing process. Not so, that’s our way of roaring our defiance at the world – “Here I am, I am naked, I am slimy!!!….fear my wrath!!!! I shall conquer all!” We are primed battle machines at the very second of birth and then something happens. Most of us were cleaned up and stuck onto our mother’s breast. That begins the softening of the resolve of the lone male ready to take on all comers. We decide, “hey, I didn’t have to kill anything and I’m being fed…I could get used to this…” The genetic hunter and conqueror is officially dead from this point on.

Oh sure, we pretend growing up that we’re rough and tumble about with other guys to show how tough and resilient we are, but it’s a lie. With every breath a boy takes, he loses another piece of the hardness that is supposed to make us able to stand alone, to survive the elements. We get sated by the comforts of the modern world and our sharply tuned instincts turn to mush.

What brought this thought to me you may be asking yourself. Why do I think I’m going soft? I’ll tell you. I am at a place that has dial up internet, no microwave and no cable for the TV. I am weeping like a baby while I wait for things to download, I mourn the loss of microwavable popcorn, I am torn apart by really bad local Television station and it’s programs that they have chosen to torture me with. I can only hope that this is some sort of test of stamina, of will and purpose, that this is meant to return me to the state of hardness that I will need to continue to survive in such a harsh environment.